Avocados

Firstly, hello and welcome to my latest vanity project. This blog is, ostensibly, a place for me to consolidate my writing work and updates thereof, with a view to showing it off to people and saying "Look! Look at the thing I have done! Say it is good." Sometimes there will be stories. Sometimes there will be poems. Sometimes, there will be incoherent rambling and baseless accusations the likes of which you haven't heard since the year uncle Terry got himself banned from Christmas. You've so much to look forward to, and what's more; this is my first ever post, which means you've gotten in on the ground floor. You lucky little horseshoe crab, you. 

In honour of the occasion, I have decided to give away a poem critics are already calling 'his stupidest yet' and 'a triumph of redundancy'. I just call it 'Avocados'. It's sort of about avocados but not really, and you can watch a hastily recorded video of it featuring a very squeaky table right here:

And if you thought that was all, you're not getting off that lightly, I'm afraid. In continued celebration of a blog I can already see bringing untold entertainment to myself and a small cadre of my own pre-existing friends and family members for days, perhaps even weeks, to come; tomorrow I will be publishing a randomly determined painstakingly selected short story from my recent back catalogue, in full. I know, I know; don't all thank me at once. Feedback is, of course, always welcome. Please feel free to write positive feedback in the comments section, and any constructive criticism you may have to offer on a series of tiny pieces of scrap paper, which you can then insert one-by-one into your nasal cavity until you are dead. Trust me, I will get the message.

Well, that's about all from me for today. Thanks for reading; if anyone needs me I'll be in the bath, trying to wash all of this away.